Limit of Love...

Sometimes I wonder I'll never understand the people around me. I'm not writing regularly because I couldn't find any reason why, people would want to know about only my personal views about everything about me. But somehow I figured out that if I never tell anyone about the overwhelming thoughts running inside my mind, I'll die. And I don't feel shame to admit that I am a coward. I am really scared to die.

But there are some things which just cann't be told to anybody. Then my pen helps me. I talk with it.

I never got any single thing in my life with pure luck. Not even friends. I had to earn everything. Somehow, I can't figure it out, but my first impression on any person is very bad. So, people are not much interested to make friends with me. That's why I have to earn their friendship. And that's why I am always scared to loose them. And that's why may be I'm always trying to pull them too hard towards me. And that's why sometimes, this pull of friendship is mistaken with love.

Despite of my misfortune, I never loose faith in the people. It might seem contradictory but I think, somehow it's my fault, why the people fail to understand me. And they are always suspicious about my interions.

Does anyone know what is the exact boundary line between friendship and love? People might know, but I don't. Then how can I understand when I'm crossing it? How am I supposed to know that what I am doing as a simple fun could make someone I think I'm crossing the limit of friendship and entering a territory of love, which is someone else's territory. What should be the code of conduct between friends?

I'm really confused. When people assumes someone is in love. Just how much distance I'm supposed to keep from my friends. Can someone help me out?

I can not bear seeing tears. It tears my heart apart. But somehow, wherever I go, whatever I do, I get to see someone crying. Why it's always me?